First of all POP POP! (For those who watch comedy series “Community”)
Greetings all and welcome to another session of Miseducation by me… Mimi.
Now! It’s the term we all know or some refer to as “Friends with Benefits” or “F*ck buddies” or just “REALLY good friends”… IT’S THE SHAG BUDDY CONUNDRUM!
The “Shag buddy relationships” aren’t as loving and amazing as Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis or Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman would have you believe (the movie was alright though lets be honest) and some really and truly are but the probability of it turning it into a marriage? Oh so very low.
The thing about the “Shag buddy relationship” is boys seem to misunderstand the attention women give in the situation. You see most girls who are in this relationship recognize they are simply a shag buddy and CHOOSE to give you the attention she would probably give to any other person in her life; boys seem to just misinterpret this attention for “please wife me”. Most times girls that want a boyfriend won’t give up the goods because they are holding out for the good stuff- Long-term relationship. If a girl is gladly giving up the goods and you perform no boyfriend duties? Shouldn’t it click to you she is simply enjoying the situation while she is in search of the main squeeze?
Men make me laugh sometimes, I genuinely think some believe they are “laying the pipe” SO good she can’t get enough of it that’s why she acting a fool. *sigh* Sadly this can be true but usually women tend to act like a fool in these situations because they are beginning to be treated like a fool… It truly can be THAT simple.
I believe a shag buddy has one duty. When I call? Provide the nookie. When I ping? Provide need the nookie. When I text? Provide the nookie. If I perform any of these means of telecommunications listed above? BELIEVE its still nookie related. Men you also don’t understand when a woman is in a shag buddy relationship and is “looking for you”, gagging for your attention and you finally give it? The next question on her mind is “what I’m I supposed to do with it? This isn’t what I signed up for” We also like the chase; keeps it interesting.
I assure you most women who decide to have a shag buddy IN NO WAY want to make you their boyfriends. The purpose of a shag buddy is SIMPLY that Shag + Buddy NOT Shag + buddy + boyfriend. Men can tend to ruin some perfectly perfect relationships because they decide to make it complicated by questioning their relationship or doing more than they were required of- Care/show affection e.g. Introducing her to family, hangouts etc. If she calls it ok… don’t be afraid to pick up the phone.
Men need to understand how women work, women need to constantly communicate with their shag buddies just to keep the need for them fresh- I call this “marinating”. Girls actually marinate their shag buddies; keep them looking important so its all motivation for that good lay when they need it. Men? Its not always black and white like you would like to believe it is.
I’m sorry I am only speaking from experiences of mates and mine; I’m not pulling anything from thin air I assure you.
Now we have different kinds of Shag buddies.
Sadly girls like bad boys… We can’t explain it. Maybe it’s the tortured souls or the brass on them BUT we like it… but there;s only so much we can take. There are different kinds of Shag buddy relationships, which I have ingenuously named “Triple A” (get it? :-D)
Associates with benefits
Now this is the one the movies would have you believe is truly what its like. I love these kinds of relationships because from the on set you know its just two people who genuinely enjoy each other’s company but have no romantic connection.
This is the scariest one also because the lines become blurry; you start to think “what if?” You start to wonder what it would be like but for the life of it all, you can’t comprehend why you get upset when he/she is with someone else, EVEN THOUGH you know you aren’t EVER going to be connected to him/her that way he/she connected with someone else; basically? You start to catch feelings. Arguments and debates come out from nowhere and you loose track of why both of you were there in the first place. These relationships are worse because when it ends? It doesn’t usually end as well as you want, you have to now disconnect yourself from this person you got so used and understood all his/her mannerisms for either sanity or true love. These relationships usually leave a party feeling guilty (maybe they ended it because they met someone else) and as much as you still want to be friends the guy, usually, just wants to forget about you for now and move on until one day its all a distant memory to him- in this time? You just need patience.
Beware of these kinds. How to end these kinds? Honesty; its the best policy, EVERYTIME. A friend of mine told me something I think ALL men should know. He told me this when I asked him how he handles his shag buddies, he replied: “I have come to find that women today appreciate a good lay and complete honesty- I give both and when I’m around them? I give as much attention as I can”. This is truly all what a shag buddy requires… if not? What’s the point of it all?
PLEASE IN THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP DON’T EVER FOR A MILLI SECOND LEAD ANYONE ON! Make the lines as clear as possible! Which is hard because it could also turn off the other party when you are trying to tell them “All I want is sex”. I don’t even get why men lie about this “Its not all sex with me” COME ON! We know it is! You don’t perform boyfriend duties- you don’t call, don’t talk about deep issues like the economy, take her out, you don’t look for her and you saying it’s not all about sex? Yet when it presents itself you are there right? Let’s just all be honest with ourselves.
Asses with Benefits
Oh my personal favourite, Asses with Benefits.
Now this one makes me laugh every time because I genuinely believe this kind act like asses so they don’t have any connection to the girl (who they THINK is the beneficiary) and it makes it easier to leave. I feel bad for this lot because they don’t understand they make it worse. There’s nothing more unsettling like a disgruntled woman, you will not rest, and it will always come back and bite you in the ass. This is where your headache begins- the girl starts calling, texting, pinging she isn’t necessarily understanding why you are being an ass when the agreement was just sex, least you can do is call or answer when I call. She doesn’t understand why you want to make it personal and be an ass about the whole situation, which is tremendously doing damage to her ego. Sad bit is these ones don’t even give that good sex; you just keep giving him the chance to prove himself.
Men, let me let you in on a little secret, for any girl that has a shag buddy… she will treat you like an adopted boyfriend; its just what we do… just because we give you the attention doesn’t necessarily mean she wants your babies. Honestly when she stops looking for you? That’s when you should be worried… you have no idea how that girl is planning on f*cking up your day in the future. I personally don’t believe in Karma but one day? This girl you treated like bare shit? Is going to tell ONE person what you did and that one person would just happen to be connected to the woman you are fighting for now. Asses with benefits? Honestly there’s no need to be… Let’s just have fun. How to deal with these kinds? Honesty; it’s the best policy every time.
Acquaintances with Benefits
Oh my, this is my worst kind of shag buddy… An acquaintance with benefits.
With this lot, you have absolutely nothing to talk about at alllll! You are simply there for the sex and that’s how far the interactions go.
You have absolutely nothing in common with this person, no laughs; you can’t even hold a conversation. Its simple when you shag, you shag.
There’s something I have come to learn in this life… just because he sticks his d*ck in you? Doesn’t mean he cares or you can bend him to your will; he doesn’t owe you anything. For these lots, it’s just about the sex and what they can get out of it in between. You are continuously left perplexed about the relationship, you don’t understand whatever connected you in the first place, you don’t know why you are so attracted to him, you don’t even think you are attracted to him but yet you go right back for it. These ones are easier though because you don’t even have to have a conversation about why its over, if its over, or even argue about anything really… it just fizzles out.
Do you want to make your shag buddy your girlfriend or boyfriend? Simple. Don’t make yourself available… this does tend to work SOMETIMES. Don’t quote me on this but its funny once you are too available and act too needy…it’s a turn off. Just go about your business- the gap will be felt and it would make the other party want you more for themselves if they think you are with someone else and doing quite well without them. This doesn’t work? They genuinely don’t want a relationship with you… simple. Shit happens.
Either way, shag buddies are a tricky situation, truth is you are doomed if you do and doomed if you don’t. The most important thing you need to remember- just because that person has been there for you when you needed “company” don’t mean he/she will ever be there for you when you REALLY need anything else. Its important to find that person be it a true friend or a real relationship; just don’t ever make the mistake of hoping your shag buddy will be there for you when you need them… let’s be honest just because you spread your legs/have sex doesn’t mean he/she owes you anything; he/she isn’t yours.
This has been a public service announcement.
***Written By Mimi***