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Before now, the longest amount of time I’ve ever been single for is 40minutes!!

I’m one of those serial daters whose entire person has more or less been defined by all the different relationships I’ve been in through my life.  I once read a feature in Cosmopolitan about how the styles of different Celebs changed with each relationship they were in.

Angelina Jolie from her Billie Bob-Thornton days to her Brad Era; Jennifer Lopez from her Diddy (oh sorry…Puff Daddy) days (a la bandana) to her and Era du la Marc and many more.

I’ve not been fortunate enough to have allowed these relationships define just my Style; heck if that’s all they affected I’d be priding myself on being a Super Fashion Evolutionist with Darwin’s theory having nothing on those I’d have been giving; and then I’d probably put Victoria Beckham out of business.

Everything about me has been in one way or the other influenced by a relationship I’ve been in, and I’m going to prove it to you:

I drive with one hand and lean slightly over to one side. It’s been called my ‘Badness’ pose on the wheel and I assure you it is absolutely instinctive. Inherited from a guy I dated about 10 years ago, who thought he was the flyest thing to hit the streets of Lagos since Okadas.  Dumped me to date the daughter of a political heavyweight on the eve of her father’s Inauguration!!  Let me shock you even more by informing you that that was the exact reason he gave me as to why he was breaking up with me!!

One of my favorite songs ever is Usher’s ‘You got it bad’. I still sing it with intense passion whenever I hear it till today. Reason: guy I dated about 8years ago dedicated it to me when it first came out!!

This is a line from the song, “You’re my girl, I’m your man; I’m going to tell it to the whole wide world”.  My heart would skip beats and a warm feeling would overwhelm me as I listened to that part of the song at the time.

I remember one day telling my close friend that he dedicated the song to me and her response was, “But he doesn’t tell the whole world now!!”

Talk about being tactless!! I didn’t care at the time that it was the truth in its purest form seeing that I was like his 300th girlfriend and he couldn’t exactly boast about being with me to the world, and then bust his game in the process. As far as I was concerned she was just so jealous that she couldn’t even bother to hide it; it’s not like there was anyone dedicating any songs to her. Well, except maybe Shine’s ‘Get Out’.

For the longest time I had mad, mad love for BMW’s. Till this day, I still feel something stir in me when I see a BMW. Inherited from yet another Ex who was passionate about the German brand which I’ve heard being referred to as “That Nazi Sled!!”

How did it end with him? His Ex got pregnant and had a baby for him while we were dating!! And as you can guess, I was the last to know about it!! Errr…and I kinda had a little something with his friend too; so I can’t exactly put all the blame at his doorstep. Alright you can kill me now, but can I at least choose my method of execution?!

So let’s not even get talking about my inherited love for Chinese Cuisine, classic movies, Sting and British Lifestyle Channels; or my distaste for all those gigantic apartment buildings in Ikoyi that have over 500 people living in each, which I once thought was cool by the way, until a guy I was with referred to them as ‘Barracks’.

I’m sure you get the picture now.  My entire sense of self has been defined by the ideas, opinions and personality traits of the men (and boys) that I’ve dated up until now; hence my somewhat dysfunctionality.

It doesn’t help matters that I’m very impressionable and unconsciously absorb quirks from people I interact with. Classic example: 2 weeks of watching nothing but TV series, Entourage, and I began swearing in almost every sentence and caught myself walking like Vincent Chase (played by Adrian Grenier who has to be my next BF by the way) much more than once.

So I’m wondering, am I the Ultimately Exclusive Don-Dada in Relationship Identity Thievery, OR is it a natural thing to merge into one shared Identity when you are with someone? After all, the Bible does say that “the two shall become 1 flesh”.

OMG!! That would make me a number of duplicated fleshes!! God help me!!!

More of Tari’s thoughts on

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog


  1. Love it!!! Its witty and well written!! hmmm neva thought bout it reli!! but i’ll certainly be more observant frm now on!

  2. For real?! I never saw it from this perspective, would def look into this. BTW, I like your style…would love to be able to write like this when i grow up 😀

  3. lollllll…totally true..i remember the time my fav music were by Everly brothers, Bonny M and co…all because of a guy

  4. Significant others have always had a way of influencing each other… Sometimes negatively but more so positively. That’s why many people leave relationships better for the next person.

    At the rate Tari is going, she will be the ultimate wifey when all is said and done =)


  5. gbeborun…u obviously dnt kno nothin abt writing….go park sumwie else plz…
    tari, wonderful write up! im checkin out ur blog asap…so real! kudos bbz

  6. High Chief is in the building! Great writing Tari!

    @Gbeborun: Olodo ni e. But what do i expect from someone who is a proud gbeborun???

  7. Absolutely natural!!! I’ve found myself in this situation more than once… It took a lot of time (was single for over a year) to discover and define who i really am…

  8. \tari, i seemed to have this problem u described ere…i seem to mimic mannerisms and absorb ideas from people; My closest friends call me rouge(of the X-Men fame)!! My handwriting for instance is an hybrid of my two closest friends back in secondary school…. I did think i had MPD (Multiple Personality disorder)….

  9. can definitely relate to most of this gist 'dear' tari, luvn d piece. but is dis gbegborun thingy for real?

  10. O yeaaa, this so used to be me. I think you are influenced by people you interact (closely) with. An ex influenced the way I spoke and ate, and sadly the way I felt about myself. I stayed single for a few years and got a grip of myself. Moving on from that I still say certain things my man says but I can tell there is a difference this time. My sense of self is pretty strong, the habits I pick up from him are his best 😉
    Great post girl.

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