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A guy calls you late at night, and in a husky, mellow bedroom voice, tells you he’s all alone at home. He keeps hammering on that same point even if you heard it the first four times he said it…BOOTY CALL!!

Chances are he even has his hands shoved deep into his boxers, definitely NOT trying to pull a wedgie, as he speaks to you.

The proposition might also have been made via BBM, and may begin something like this…”Why aren’t you sleeping?” or “What you wearing?”

Somewhere deep within us all, we know exactly when a Booty Pass is being made at us and I’m certain that at one time or the other, every single person reading this has made a Booty Pass of your own (wink).

As interesting a subject these sorts of Booty Calls are, I want to focus on the Personality called a ‘Booty Call’ instead.

Who is a Booty Call?

Alright people, now here’s the catch: A Booty Call has NO personality in the eyes of the Beholder.

If the Beholder could see beyond the Booty to the actual Personality of the ‘Booty Call’ then there would be huge problems in the ‘Booty Call’ market.

Abi Guys, I de lie?! Oya, what’s your Booty Call’s favorite color?  What did she want to become when she was a child? How many kids does she want?!!

All you guys are probably scratching your head right now as if na JAMB question I dey ask you!!

Girls, take my cue if you want to find out exactly where you stand in a guy’s life, by asking him some of these sort of questions to test if you are a Personality in his head!

Most guys have NEVER had a full conversation with their Booty Calls. All conversations are usually a build-up to the actual ‘getting down’, so if Booty Call wants to start talking Politics, Music, or the highest TABOO of them all, Emotional Discussion, the guy immediately feels uncomfortable and can even give up the Booty for that particular day, until the Booty Call has regained her senses.

You might wonder how a guy immediately knows if a girl he meets would fall into the category of Booty Call…good question!

Guys can spot a Booty Call from a mile away!! The highest giveaway of any prospective Booty Call is what is referred to as ‘Wandering Eyes’!!

The prospective ‘Booty Call’ is always on the lookout for the next available guy with anything that she believes can add value to her. This can vary from money, to ‘connections’, to swag and even attention.

It is the ‘long-throat’ of the prospective Booty Call that eventually makes her end up being nothing but a Booty Call to most guys she meets. As clueless as Guys can be sometimes, being natural Hunters, they have in-built radars which help them lock in on a ‘Needy Woman’.

So the game a lot of Guys play with the Booty Call is constantly making them believe that they can give them whatever it is they want. This might not be stated outright vocally, but by subtle gestures that keep the Chic latched on whether or not her expectations are being met.

A Booty Call is usually within close proximity to a guy, either geographically, or a BBM away. It doesn’t even make logical sense for your Booty call to be too far off; otherwise, what’s the point? Isn’t her accessibility and availability the reason why she is a convenience in the first place?

On the flip side, a lot of guys have Booty Calls scattered in different localities, cities and territories. They make sure to keep the communication lines open between them, so that it isn’t too much of a hassle to get the Booty active when they are within close proximity to it.

Now, the Booty Call may or may not know that she’s one. If she places herself in that position unknowingly as a result of certain ‘needs’ she has, then she’ll always make excuses for the guy’s inconsistency in her head. It might be blatantly clear before her, that every interaction she has with this person is usually a build-up to Sex, but she doesn’t want to believe that, so allows herself to be blinded to it.

If you are not a Booty Call, then why has he NEVER come to hang with you just for the heck of it? Why has he NEVER held your hand and proudly shown you to his friends and family, as they hug you and tell you how much they’ve heard about you?!

If you are such a part of his life, then WHY are you not actively involved in every celebration, every disappointment and every just passing moment? How come the only comfort he seeks from you is when his head is pressed against your breast and there is sweat and constant motion?!!

If you are one of them New Age Women, who claims to be happy and satisfied with being nothing more than an available Booty in a Guy’s life, and actually feel a sense of power as you believe that he also is nothing more than a Splakavelli to you, then I doff my hat to you.

I doff my hat at your ability to constantly bare your nakedness before a Guy and allow him ravage your body, and yet you are able to keep it emotion-free.

I doff my hat for the strength you have in accepting that this Guy wants nothing more from you than your body, and your willingness to give it over and over again.

I doff my hat at the manner in which you can pick Guys up and drop them like used tampons when you’re through with them.

But if on the flip side, you are like me, wey no get the mind, power or technical know-how, and actually desires to one day, walk proudly on ANY street firmly grasping unto the solid hand of MY Man, then I don’t see what business you have being a Booty Call right now.

Why let your Personality get lost somewhere in the Identity of a Booty?!

This Series continues next week…

Tari’s Blog is OR follow TariEkiyor on Twitter

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog


  1. Love this article. Its quite refreshing actually. Well done tari..more of this.
    The little booties here are quite nice…especially the C.can’t blame me am a booty guy.

  2. Love the way you just lay it on, Tari…….thick, real and just as it is. No padding, priming….. Thanks for your candour.

  3. Nice! Rily insightful..
    No be say we no knw o bt girl,u chopped it all up..
    I’m like ur numero uno fan….one!

  4. Hey Tari I like the way u put it down. My problem tho is how u made it a guy-holla-@-booty thing. I’v been called a ‘booty call’ by a girl b4. And sh was right. I cldn’t qualify for splakavelli cos she didn’t have a man. Did I take offence? No o. And she’s not d only girl. I’v been picked up by a 21yr old undergrad hu promptly converted me to booty. U know d caller is d person in control n d called is d booty. My point? Booty callin is not d preserve of any gender, so wen u say ‘I won’t be a booty call’ also add: ‘.. Or a booty caller’!

  5. hey lady,were you a guy in your former life,you giving away all the guy secrets….lol….good job,hit it right on the head.

  6. ….’Y let yur personality get lost somewher in d identity of a booty’…naice one Tari,yu hit d nail xctly where it should be hit,,,but yu know say na we girls dey tag ourselves mostimes…d guys just help us shout it out

  7. Gotta love Tari…hehehehehe,u can label sham Am a booty caller oh…Am not a ‘new age woman’ or anything but if am not seeing anyone or loving my rabbit when I wanna…I make a call :D. All dese name calling sef…lol.

  8. Hi Tari, great write-up. But methinks noble Igwe (aka)nobs360 qualifies as a booty caller and a scrob(from your definition of a scrob). Correct me if am wrong tho.

    1. Lol…Nobs has been both a booty caller and callee. And a scrob too. In fact, I think he gladly falls under everything at the bottom of the food chain.
      And I wish my butt was as stretch-mark free as the above.

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