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I get a lot of requests from my readers, about subjects to write about. They are mostly very interesting and relevant topics, which I try never to shy away from. However, when someone asked me, based on a statement I made in one of my articles, to write about how to ‘ARREST’ a guy, my liver failed me small.

The statement I made was in my ‘Friendship Between the Sheets’ article, where I said I felt sorry for any guy who tried to get with me as a FWB, “…when I arrest him with my lovings”.

Little did I know that I was asking for trouble when I said that. Nevertheless, here I am heeding the request.

The first thing you need to know in your mission to ‘arrest’ a guy with your lovings, is that you do not need a Warrant.

You do not need any long drawn-out process of authorization to gain access into his heart and make away with his freedom to sow his wild oats amongst the womenfolk.

Most importantly, ‘arresting’ a guy with your lovings DOES NOT involve any form of manipulation; emotional, psychological or spiritual.

God gave us ALL a free-will, so He does not answer prayers that demand of Him to MAKE someone love you. They either love you or they don’t. So if you have been praying for one guy or one chic to fall hopelessly in love with you, even if it seems like the prayer is being answered, know now that it’s possibly not God answering that prayer ooo!!

Alright I just felt the need to be clear on those things before we proceed into the main sturvs.

So you meet a guy, and you find yourself immensely drawn to this person. It may be his smile, his walk, his dominant personality, his success; the fact that he’s a Gentleman, or whatever it is that attracts you in the first place.

You immediately know on some level within yourself that you want to be with this person. Problem is you have no clue as to whether or not he feels the same way. There is only one way to find out, and that’s by Interaction.

I personally have no problem walking over to a guy I find attractive in a club, bar, restaurant or wherever our paths cross, to introduce myself to him. As long as he’s alone, has no wedding band on his hand, I think I have free reign to go over and at least make my presence known to him.

Depending on the guy, the response you’d get will vary. About two weeks ago at Marquee, I did this and got two very distinct responses from both guys I met.

I noticed the first one from the opposite end of the balcony where we were. You couldn’t miss him; he was tall; I’m talking like Lebron James and co. kind of tall. He was now very light-skinned, nicely built and just basically had one very confident P about him.

I was right in the middle of a conversation with my friend when I first saw him; my words hung mid-sentence, and like a zombie, I found myself gliding over to where he was holding court. Him and his boys stopped talking as we approached (my friend refused to be a Slacker and came over also), and I introduced myself and my friend to him, confessing to him that we saw him from across the room and came over to introduce ourselves.

Chai…the dude was even more like one kind of timeless Greek statue in close proximity. I shamelessly looked UP at him the entire time…I couldn’t hide my awe at such an exquisite piece of Man.

Then much to my dismay, the spell was soon broken. Guy showed himself in ALL his Ass-holic glory!! As soon as he heard that we had come because of him, one very dirty swagger manifested itself and he began saying something in the range of…

*licking his lips and rubbing his hands together* “…you ladies shouldn’t leave without dropping your numbers….”

I didn’t even wait to hear the last bit, as I pulled my friend away and walked inside, leaving him staring blankly. I was so pissed off, what a waste of fine Man!! Beautiful body, shitty character…wetin I wan take dat one do?!!

So we walked in, and not even up to a few seconds later, were confronted by another glorious sight!! The zombies took over again, and we found ourselves once again introducing ourselves. This particular one was not as tall, but had very nicely chiseled features, and I liked the fact that he and his friend were just by themselves in a corner, all dignified and sheeett!!

My ever trusted Man-locating antennae didn’t fail to pick them out even in their corner. His friend was cute also, and they were both very respectful. They seemed quite impressed at the fact that we actually came over to introduce ourselves, and we all spoke very nicely to each other.

As we made to leave, they didn’t even attempt to collect our numbers, which in my opinion, is the polite thing to do, given the short time in which we had met. So I took the initiative and gave the one I liked my card.

Now you might wonder, wasn’t that a little forward Tari?!

My answer to that is NO. I actually feel comfortable doing that because of something I have noticed about myself.

All my life, I have found that I gravitate toward a guy because I feel as though he wants me, or is attracted to me. That usually fed my desire for attention and affirmation, and eventually put me in situations in which I constantly needed that attention and affirmation from a guy, to feel relevant.

So at this point of my life, I’m breaking that cycle, by changing the dynamic. I would rather take ONE step to set things in motion with a guy I’m interested in, than sit down and wait for him to WANT me first. Then if for some reason, he doesn’t seem to WANT me, I then begin to feel less than myself?

So I’m taking charge of things and going for what I want in a man, rather than hoping for the day I become what some guy wants in a woman.

Now note my earlier emphasis on ONE step. Going to introduce myself to a guy, or giving my card, is about as far as I would go. Anything beyond that, I believe is pushing the envelope and can inspire the guy to want to take the piss.

The guy I gave my card to at Marquee has not called me, but guess what? IT’s OKAY!!

That way, I know he’s not interested in me that way, and the next time I see him, we will be nice and friendly toward each other, with me at peace with the fact that I have not compromised anything.

So I guess, the summary of all this, is my proposed first step if you wish to ‘Arrest’ a guy:


To be continued…

Tari’s blog is www.tariere.blogspot.com; you can also follow TariEkiyor on Twitter

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog www.tariere.blogspot.com.


  1. What I need to knw quick is this, When is it too early or jst appropriate to start sleepin wt a guy? And how do I get us to define out relationship wtout sounding desperate or scary?

  2. i am totally confused as to why the mention of your numbers from the first guy is a turn-off. ok, so you walk up to him have a chit chat and walk away…what if he wants to get to know you? wouldn’t it be approprtiate to request for a number or something? and why is it ok for you to give your card, but not ok for a guy to request your number?
    and as for the second guy, he definitely wasnt feeling your P, probably the reason he didnt ask for a number.
    the dynamics of relationship isn’t rocket science: if a guy likes you (especially when you make the first move, he would want to take it from there by grabbing your ass, trying to plant a kiss, or….in a more honourable way, ask for a number, like the first brother did. if he doesn’t, then it means he isn’t exactly impressed by you, i guess the second guy made that quite clear.
    and dearie, no matter how much you say it doesnt hurt, it does a tiny little bit…everybody wants to make some kind of impression, not to the whole damn world, but to someone they find good enough to walk up to…

  3. Yo! So im feeling this like. Not sure i wee have this kinna liver…bet wedone loll. The thing though is like especially with Naija guys i find that they like the chase? Like in the UK its a common phenomenom for girls to hola at guys they like but in naij they’ll either start fronting or feel like they dont need to work as hard…dunno if u get me? Then another thing ive noticed is like even with really really stand up guys..like im talking good guys yea…not air heads…even when they date a girl that stepped up to them first…they might date em for years but from an outsider’s perspective it always looks like the girl likes the guy more…dunno if u get me.

    I’m all for the ‘go get what’s yours’ p but im not sure dem guys are ready yet…

    Nice one x

  4. Very interestin observations, Joy…. i would ask for a girl’s no. if she walked up to me whether i like her or not so as not to mk her feel embarrased that i wasnt diggin her. Except that i see she is just tryin to have fun or feed her ego, by seeing how many guys will swoon over her confident or audacious behavior(i ve met chics like dat in clubs). I think the writer should have spelt out exactly what turned her off, maybe the ‘licking lips and rubbing hands’ action. Its not what you say, its how you say it….body language!

  5. I agree with you Jay that it must have been the attitude cos like you rightly say Joy, the words on their own dont seem like much to get irritated at. Tari! Tari! busted again *inside joke* lol. anyway good read (as always) and tbh I dont have that kind of liver to walk up to a guy, well I can then I start feeling stupid and loosing confidence then start saying stupid things. LOL basically it wont always go down well. You should do a complete series on ‘How to Arrest a Man’ lol its fun!. Its true about praying for a guy to love you, in all likelihood it wont happen and if it does hmm questionable.

  6. Yes, yes Miss Natural…BUSTED!!! LOL

    It wasn’t his words guys, it was the attitude!! It was almost…..LECHEROUS…Lol.

    @Joy: No it doesnt hurt that he didnt call…and this is because you get to a point in your life where you are completely at peace with the fact that not everyone can like you. So I actually like the fact that i could know that firsthand, by his inaction!!

    @Quick Q: I’m very wary about definitions in Relationships. We find that we always want to rush into defining something we are going into. Why not be patient and allow things take their natural course…have your boundaries intact, and sooner than later, you and the guy will know exactly how you fit into each other’s lives. At that point, you can BOTH decide what you want your relationship to be.

    So just relax….ENJOY the journey!!

  7. QuickQ remaining celibate brings much more respect. U make it sound like it is a MUST for u to sleep with any guy u r in a relationship with. I’m no virgin myself but I’ve noticed that sex impairs my judgement and when I realised I could no longer count on both hands (hope u understand) I knew there was a problem. I don’t know how old u are but I would advise u to please please restrain from sleeping with anyone till he makes his intentions clear enough and backs those intentions with a transparent glittering stone and the all-important two-letter sentence.

  8. I am feeling you Tari and yes you did make a lot of sense. i love the point made by Joy thou, because of the first guys attitude i guess, that’s why you didn’t him your number but he was interested in you, as opposed to the other guy who wasn’t interested and you still want ahead to gave him your card!!! I think, with everything, we should be able to read people properly!!! That way, you will be able to determine who wants to go ahead or not. But i love the piece, more power to your elbows love!!!

  9. Hey Tari, well done yet again! I like to read ur articles because u take on issues that are hard to capture. Kinda like a chandelier in a ballroom. We all see it but from differnt angles. And since ppl cluster n whisper, u’d have ppl hu agree wiv u cos they r standin in dat part of the room wiv u.
    Movin on.. To Arrest a guy?! So dat’s what all those girls try to do to me on a daily? Hu have they been takin lessons from? And that thing about no sex till he pops a Q wiv a gem? Precious!! We all want to do it, just not wiv everybody we meet. Believe me I kno.
    I’ll paint u a picture:I’m chillin somewhere and a lady waltzes over, introduces herself. I’ll listen size her up – more than looks I must say. If she sounds ryt I’ll take her card. Then sms her right where we are standin while she’s still there gettin familiar. A random sms. Talk all polite n gentlemanly for as long as it takes n gently reel her in. Hu’s gettin arrested now? It don’t alweiz work like dat, I’m just sayin – agreein wiv u here – there’s no hard or fast rule. And sometyms u don’t even kno u’r gettin played by an ‘undercover’ operative as u move in for the ‘arrest’.
    All said n done, u write very well.

  10. love love the post, will love to see more of your work and will be coming back for more but i just wanted to make a comment about a statement u made(its not so relevent but anyhoo). you said “know now that it’s possibly not God answering that prayer ooo!!” -i dont completely i agree with that much, even as we have been given free will, God can change minds for whatever reasons e.g is the story of moses, israelites and pharoah, God chose to harden pharoahs heart to prove himself God. am not the best xtian, heck i havent been to a proper church service in months but i believe there nothing too stupid to pray about. this summer i prayed for a flatter stomach and never got on a treadmill(stupid i know). just thought i should share that.
    p.s. i love the point you made about going after a guy you want. i personally believe that is why guys dont stay down long after being shut down by a chic and move to the next *thumbs up*

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