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Finally we have arrived at the top of the Relationship Food Chain in our contemporary world of Dating. We began at the bottom of the Food Chain with ‘The Scrobo’, then the ‘Booty Call’, ‘Kele’, and also the ‘Side Chick’.

Today, it’s all about the ‘Main Squeeze’.

According to some of the learned friends and confidants who very generously shared information with me about all these Labels, every Man (single and married) has at least one of the ranks of the Food Chain in his life, aside from his ‘Main Squeeze’.

The ‘Main Squeeze’ is the one he’ll be seen in public with; the one he wants to marry, if he’s not already married to her. Someone once said that to a Guy, a girl can be either ‘The Friend’, ‘The Freak’ or ‘The Forever’….the ‘Main Squeeze’ is ‘The Forever’.

She is the one who all the others in his harem know is the No. 1, and accepts the fact that they ALL come in after her in his order of Commitment.

She is the one who has the liver to display his name or picture on her Blackberry Profile, and do all those other things that the others would never dare.

She is the one who may know that her guy sees other people, but either chooses to remain in denial or is content with the knowledge that she tops the Food Chain.

The ‘Main Squeeze’ ironically, has the least inclination about who her guy really is. She may know a side of him, the part he reserves for her, but the totality of his personality, she does not know.

The guy has all these other chics on the side, and has experiences with them, which in one way or the other shape his perspectives, decisions and personality. Yet does the ‘Main Squeeze’ share in these experiences?!

Of course not! How can you claim to know a man you are with when you are completely unaware of what he does when he is away from you?!

First and foremost, the term ‘Main Squeeze’, emphasis being made on MAIN, implies that there are others and you are the MAIN.

I laugh at the ridiculousness of what our society has conditioned us women to accept. I completely reject for myself the idea of being someone’s ‘Main Squeeze’.

The term in itself, is actually degrading and insulting to me!! So in all that I’ve learned and experienced in my life, I’d actually go and reduce myself to being someone’s ‘Main Squeeze’?!

I have been a ‘Side Chick’ as I shared with you, and I learned a lot from that experience. It was wrong for me to be in that position, however, I believe I have made restitution for that action and can now expect to be with a Man who respects me enough to honor our relationship with his faithfulness.

I reject the idea because I know what I am worth. I know that I am priceless and am aware of ALL that I can offer to the Man who I accept to be my King.

If I’m with a Man, I will give him ALL of me. My heart, my body, my head, my adoration, my intellect, my skills, my knowledge, my wisdom, my strength, my loyalty, my faithfulness…EVERYTHING.

So why on earth and in heaven, should I accept anything less from him?!

You might ask, but Tari, it’s possible to give a guy EVERYTHING and he still messes around with other people?!

I agree. People make mistakes. A guy I’m with can make a mistake, and I wouldn’t hesitate to forgive him. But when that ‘mistake’ becomes a lifestyle, then it’s simply Piss-taking!!!

It is at that point that I believe an action needs to be taken, because contrary to all we have been made to believe, NOT ALL MEN ARE UNFAITHFUL!!!

I can say this confidently because I have male friends who are in relationships, and I see the way they honor their women. They don’t gamble with the woman they love at all!! I’ve also seen them literally RUN away when they are being tempted to see other people, because they have decided within themselves to be committed to ONE woman.

We women need to begin to invest a lot in ourselves. Not just physically, but also intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.  When we do, and then have firsthand knowledge of our own value, we would then begin to attract only those men who are worthy of having us in their lives.

I believe a lot of women accept the rubbish that guys give, because we do not value ourselves. If you know in your heart the quality of Woman you are, and the great value you can bring to a Man’s life, you will NOT condescend to allowing yourself to be anyone’s ‘Main Squeeze’.

It drives me crazy that a guy can even believe that you should be satisfied in the knowledge that he wants to marry you, so he is free to go ahead and do anything he wants. I’d rather be Single and have my RESPECT intact than be married (or in a relationship) to someone who’ll consistently make our marriage an object of Ridicule.

A man, who truly respects and values his woman, will do absolutely nothing that will even slightly jeopardize their relationship, whether she will find out or not.

Most Men will NOT accept cheating from their women, so why have we allowed them believe that it’s okay for them to do it and get away with it.

If you are alright and satisfied being a ‘Main Squeeze’, then good for you. I pray God gives you the strength to handle whatever challenges come your way. If you are a married ‘Main Squeeze’, I sympathize with you, and pray that the strength of your character will shine brightly, so that he realizes that he cannot afford to take chances with you.

As for me, I have neither the mind, power nor technical know-how to be anybody’s ‘Main Squeeze’.

Every woman is a potential Queen in her own right; treat yourself and behave like one, and then no man would have the guts to come and offer you anything less than the place of a Queen in his life.

It took me going through particular ranks of the Food Chain to realize this, but I’ve learned the truth now and there is no compromising anymore for me.

Let’s shed the Labels….Girls, they’ve gone way too out of fashion for us!!

Tari’s blog is OR follow TariEkiyor on Twitter

Tari Ekiyor

Tari Ekiyor

The quirky and humorous musings of a young writer who is determined to have nothing short of the best of everything in spite of the fact that everything seems to be trying to have the best of her. Welcome to S-I-R (STRONG INDEPENDENT & RELEVANT). You can also catch Tari on her blog


  1. Tari i need to introduce you to decent nigerian men. you are a beautiful, articulate, funny and smart young deserve a great guy. you sound like a young lady that have been hurt. there’s alot of happily married young stylish couples in lagos. you need to start hanging out with positive loving people. i’m not saying some of the characters you write about doesn’t exist but there’s alot of positive men and women in this great city. Not all nigerian men that are handsome and successful cheat on ther wives.

  2. lol neefemi. so did I at first but once I continued reading I realized the main chick is the same as all the others in the food chain. lol tari, the one who’s bold enough to display his name on her bbm, that made me laugh cos that thing freaks guys out if its not rightly done 🙂 At first I was like what, not all men cheat…then I read further and realized that you were in agreement with me. Lets say no to being side labels…Tari its the God Man and nothing else!!!!

  3. Tari, u seriously hit the nail on the head! This is like gospel to me. I’m an ex main squeeze and that came as a surprise as I dint even know there were numbers. Yes a mistake can be forgiven but a lifestyle should NEVER be accepted. Its never easy letting go,but women need to find the courage to do so because ur r a main squeeze in the first place due to qualities that has already been recognised, so how bout getting someone who nt only recognises the queen that u are but also honours and appreciates u? I knew I deserved better and have never looked back for one day but look forward to the beauty and challenges that come with that perfect man!

  4. And dat ends d long awaited piece… I’ve bin an ex syd-chick and main squeeze and nw I’m so waiting 4 my God- man. We need 2 see ourselves as strong n graceful women and yes,we do not deserve less than we expect. I pray that the Holy Sprit helps us to be better women everyday. Thank you Tari…God bleSs you.

  5. Hm Tari I started reading and was so scared cos I thot u were goin to end by saying we should be content as a main squeeze. I honestly needed to hear that not all men cheat cos I constantly CONSTANTLY tell myself that “ok mizz, all men cheat like u’ve heard over and over again but u are the one he wants to marry so accept that. If u see any girl he’s cheating with, FINISH HER, if not just keep living”. Thank you for this post. I’m going to slowly renew my mind but it will hurt SO BAD if after I finally detoxify my mind, I realise I’ve been a main squeeze all along.

  6. TOTAL LOVEAGE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW!!!! I decided a few months ago to stop being a “main squeeze”. Like you said I would rather be single and respected than be with someone……#SAYNOTOSETTLING!

  7. Tari, Tari!!! Dunno what I was thinkin when I skipped this piece all those weeks ago.
    Main squeeze, eh?
    Have you considered how some of these same women beg to be labelled.
    We all make declarations n whatnot, but how committed r we to the things we spout?
    Honestly tho, nobody shld label another. Everybody deserves to be happy. Problem is, not everybody’s prepared to put in d work necessary to ensure this. We all want quick fixe(r)s, and so we get what we get.
    Way to go Tari!

  8. Wow!! WOw!! WOW!!!..,Finally,you are re-echoing what has always troubled me about the very many internally beautiful ladies who do not realise that they can actually demand to be “the one and only” cos we guys are not all into having some side-chicks,scrobo et-al.I for one decided way back in the Univeristy to marry who ever I set out to be in a relationship with & even though it din’t work out like I wanted,i have been able to stay put after very few relationships in my adult life in search of a complimentary or better half.Now that I have seen the ONE who’ll lovingly stand-up to me, after the others who I earlier saw the greatness in them decided to try cheapening themselves to hang on or something,I can only plead that Plzzzzzzz don’t stop emphasising that ladies need to know their true worth and stop playing,second,third,fourth or even fifth fiddle!!!If we guys go up to them and wanna be their friends,they shouldn’t offer sex first or fall easily for the ” first have sex with me if you love me part”… Ave a great day.More power to your elbow.

  9. There is a saying in the NFL, “You are what your record says you are.” If you have a monogamous relationship where the man chooses to fore go all others, then you deserve it. You have the necessary physical and personality characteristics to have it. If you don’t then you don’t. You can stand there, scream, shout, and stomp your feet all you want, but if your man is out and about, then girl, he just ain’t that into you. All of you women all believe you are queens and righteous. You’re not. My experience after 55 years of life is that you all are greedy, selfish, money motivated shrews that think your goals and your values are the only correct path that a relationship should take. I am sick of apologizing for being a man and I won’t do it any more.

    1. I want to reply you with respect, but it’s very hard to and understandably so given your comment. You mean that after 55 years on earth, a person can still be so ignorant as to group all women into one overly broad category? Please grow up.
      You think being a man is to be an unfaithful dog who can’t be upfront with a woman concerning what you want in a relationship? Get a clue. Men can be greedy, selfish, money-motivated” people too. If a woman or women fucked you over in the recent past, tough titties, man….keep chewing on it. But don’t come here spewing your woman-hating diatribe. You’re too old for that.

  10. I have read your comments here, how inspired you have been by this article. It’s quite interesting but what you all do not understand is that there is a big difference between reality and fantsy, practical and theory. Most times, you will never ever get to find out that you are a MAIN squeeze, only the SIDE chicks will have knowledge of the MAIN squeeze and the MAIN squeeze will never know that there are others but she is the MAIN. Furthermore, most young girls especially in the their twenties fail to understand that a woman does not have as much time as a man does, the women age sooner and faster. “How long will you continue to wait and hope for the man that will take you as the QUEEN instead of the MAIN squeez? Will you continue to wait for eternity for him until you attain MENOPAUSE? God forbid!!! Use you tongues to count your teeth, it’s better to be a MAIN squeeze ooooohhhh!!!!

  11. I really think fwb is nasty!on a selfish plane it sounds great but it ll definitely suffer an emotional twist esp if it goes beyond short term!

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