Ryan. It’s funny how a name starts this episode. And it’s a guy’s name too. He’s not my favorite though I had one of my favorite experiences with him. We never dated. He wasn’t even a fling. We were just playing series of mind games on each other. He’s smart. So I was more like a challenge to him. We’d be so close and mushy with each other one minute and the next, he’d try to pull a fast one on me, get caught and we’d quit communication for a long while; only to fall back together. I found that exciting. He lasted more than several of my relationships. I really enjoyed being in that nameless ‘situationship’ with him. It was pure fun.
We met at a frat party. It was one of his frat brothers’ birthday party and he was one of the organizers. I got invited by Belle. She knew the celebrant. Before you go ahead to judge us harshly about our presence at a frat party, you have to know that fraternities are perfectly normal and legitimate in my school. They are registered and even helped sponsor some school projects. I’ve even heard about our Vice Chancellor being a member of one of the top fraternities. It was a lot of respect for the members of these fraternities. So there was nothing out of place with being at a frat party. It’s just like hanging out with loads of super cute guys. I think that was one of their criteria for joining up – the good looks. And with these cute guys were a trailer load of hot girls. Girls were always around cute guys like flies were with sh*t. That party proved it to me.
Ryan is many girls’ dream man. He’s smart, tall and handsome. He walked with a certain swagger. That was the first thing I noticed about him. A certain number of people would have found it unattractive but I found it amusing. That night, he was all over the place; handing out cans of drinks to girls and smiling with a bunch of them. Then he switched to taking pictures of people dancing. I was alone as I hardly knew anyone there. Belle was the life of the party; as the celebrant was practically showing her off as his lady. I was contented with looking on and sipping my drink. Or drinks, if I may add; I just kept taking whatever was going round.
The drinks must have been laced with something because I began to feel woozy. I noticed that the dancing was becoming wild. Girls were dancing like they were alone in the confines of their rooms; dancing seductively like no one was watching. They got thirsty and gulped more drinks. They were becoming reckless. It was like a competition for the sexiest belly dancers. The guys looked on with satisfied grins on their faces. I had stopped sipping whatever was in the cup and watched on dreamily. It was only a matter of time before the girls started having dance face-offs. They’d match off against themselves and dance fiercely while the frat kids cheered. I could tell everyone was having the time of their lives.
Part of my befuddled mind enjoyed the show; the other part was screaming that I had to get out before things got awry; not like it hadn’t already. Where in Heaven blessed name was Belle? I stood at a vantage point and searched with my eyes. Moving around at that point would have been a feat. I felt really slow and light. I wanted to dance. But the most part of me wanted to get out of that place. There’s something abnormal about a party where the girls are recklessly dancing while the guys just watched them. It seemed predatory; like a pack of lions watching sheep play around. Whenever they felt that the time was right, they’d strike. I didn’t want to be there when it’d happen.
Someone placed his arm across my shoulder. It was Ryan, though I didn’t know his name at that time. He tried talking to me but the loud music made it impossible. He noticed my stagger when I tried to walk and placed an arm around my waist. That way, he guided me outside, to the staircase. The music seemed muted as the doors closed behind us. The staircase was dimly lit. In my drunken state, I could make out the silhouettes of couples making out or just sitting in cuddly positions on the stairs. Nobody cared about the next person. Ryan led me to an empty corner and made me sit on a raised platform. He moved with so much intent, I thought he wanted us to make out or something. With the way I was feeling, I wouldn’t have put up any resistance at all. I mean, Ryan is hot! And the drink mixture was having an effect on my hormones too.
So I was seated. I realized with a tinge of disappointment that he had no plans on making out. I tried to imagine how I looked in my head. I summed it up as “FUCKED UP”. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see myself in a mirror at that moment. Ryan was still standing so I had to tilt my head backwards to look into his cute face. I could hear him clearly too. He sounded exactly how he looked. I was lost. He was asking if I had taken any drink handed out in cups. I think I had. I wasn’t sure anymore. I had stood so long, watching others dance with drinks as my only companion; I couldn’t even remember what I’d taken. I stared at his lips while he gave me a lecture on how not to drink everything in a party; especially one hosted by a guy. He asked about who had invited me. When I mentioned Belle’s name, he frown slightly before he offered to help me fetch her. I’d never felt so glad.
When he left, I stared into thin air and got bored. Belle must have been having the time of her life. I started counting the number of couples making out. They were seven. One girl was already in cloud nine; screaming the guy’s name repeatedly and professing undying love. I think she started sobbing at a point. Another girl was purring and giggling at the same time. I was wondering what the guy was doing to her when Ryan returned with Belle who was looking flushed. It was obvious the drink had affected her too. She stood for a moment and took in the surrounding. She stared unblinkingly at the purring girl. After a while, she just grabbed my wrist, pulled me off where I’d been seated and led me downstairs. She was mad at something or someone. Either ways, at that moment, I didn’t care. My comfy bed was my priority.
We had barely gotten downstairs when Belle started ranting about being alone with Ryan. She obviously thought I had been making out with him. She said some hurtful things that would have gotten me offended if I wasn’t intoxicated. I acted like I couldn’t hear her. At a point, she kept quiet. While waiting for a cab, Ryan met us downstairs. I noticed there was a certain tension between him and Belle. He walked up to me and chatted for a while before we exchanged contacts. By this time, Belle had hailed a cab, gotten in and she was already threatening to leave me with my new found love. Again, if I wasn’t high, I’d have been pissed off. I couldn’t just understand her attitude towards Ryan. She kept up like he was a monster. All the way back to our hostel, she fumed silently. I didn’t care. I had caught Ryan’s eyes and I was going to have a good night sleep. Back on campus, we went our separate ways without much word.
I spent the rest of the weekend expecting Ryan’s phone call. I had gotten his phone number but somehow, I’d managed not to save it. Belle’s drama must have overwhelmed me. Several times I said to myself, “If only I had his number…” My only link if I wanted it was Belle. Belle would definitely flare up at me if I requested for someone who had Ryan’s number. She’d think I was pregnant or I’d caught an STD from the other night. I trust my friends to exaggerate any situation. From what she had been insinuating on our drive back home from the party, I’d done everything in the book with Ryan. I’m sure I even heard her mutter something about being “taken shamelessly and in the open by a guy just because he’s fine”. At least, we agreed on one thing; Ryan is handsome.
I was very patient and it paid off. Ryan called me. He finally called me! I was in class; receiving a boring lecture. But as a typical back bencher I’d always been, I could take calls. He didn’t need to introduce himself. My heart was already doing a special beat immediately I heard his voice. I threw a sidelong glance at Belle who was pinging furiously. I tried not to sound excited. I was grinning from ear to ear. He had called to invite me for one of their frat hangouts. They normally had it in the middle of the week. Don’t worry, it was a luncheon; starting by 3pm. My lectures ended by 4pm for that day but I willingly skipped the last. I had a ‘date’ with Ryan. That was way better than any other lecture I could have received that day.
These frats were just too organized. Their cute members were all dressed in shirts and ties with plain trousers and expensive-looking shoes. They didn’t look like students at all. They looked successful, like young achievers who’d converged for a crucial business meeting. Again, for the second time I was with these frat kids, I caught myself drooling. Remember what I said about girls and cute guys? The whole place was littered with girls again. I was glad I wasn’t the only one who’d ditched my lectures because there was no way on earth the amount of girls I’d seen there would all be free for the day.
I spotted Ryan with a group of guys. He’s quite easy to spot as he’s the cutest. I had to caution myself not to run to him though that was exactly what I wanted to do. I took in my environment and saw that everyone was acting courteous. It wasn’t like I was in my school environment. It was really nice.
Ryan’s “Hi” brought me back to earth. He was smiling. My insides were melting. I’m not exaggerating his cuteness. That was the first time I was seeing him in broad daylight. He is smooth! Complimenting my outfit, he led me to where we had lunch. Chatting about the party and laughing a lot, the luncheon felt like heaven. I saw many girls glance at us. I was enjoying the attention. I flirted with Ryan, brushing a piece of food off his beard, rubbing his collar down and even holding his hand. I made it seem all casual but I was marking my territory. Yeah! I wasn’t going to let this cutie off like that.
Time always flies when you’re enjoying the moment. FACT. It was already getting dark when I was distracted enough to look outside. Ryan walked me back to my hostel and promised to keep in touch as he hugged me. I slept well that night.
“Where were you?” Those were Belle’s first words to me as I walked in class the next day. I ignored her. Belle is an amazing friend. She’s protective like a mother hen. She seems to foresee things. I really dunno how she does it. So when she asked that, I knew she already had the answer. I was thinking up a plausible lie when she gave me the full details of my luncheon. Damn! If Belle wasn’t my friend, I’d have been so sure she had spies everywhere. She knew everything. It was a bit creepy. I couldn’t deny. I didn’t admit it either. I just asked what she had against Ryan. She didn’t give details. She just kept up about him like he’s the devil and asked me to avoid him; and his frat too. Her excuse: they were a bunch of players. I told her we could all play. I still couldn’t get her problem. I wasn’t getting attached. She was just assuming. She even added that Ryan and his friends dealt in hard drugs and they wanted to do her in. She was strongly against him. Oh! So she had had her own fun with them and wanted to act the guardian angel on my case.
Her opposition seemed to make the attraction build. He fascinated me. He made me curious. I saw more of him; at their luncheons, hangouts, in the evenings. We were just everywhere. He loves public display of affection so most times, we were cozy. We shared kisses often. I loved the mind games we were playing. But somehow, Belle’s words about him being a player haunted me.
I’m not a player but I know that one theory states that you take what you can and leave. Never get attached. I guarded my own jealously. I didn’t make myself too available. We made out severally, but whenever he wanted more, I’d back out. I won’t lie, he turned me on ruthlessly. I wanted him. But again, it’d be a case of “see-finish”. I knew he’d lose interest once I gave in. I couldn’t permit that. It became the chase. I teased him thoroughly. I’d visit him and leave at the last minute after hinting spending the night with him. I never slept over at his place as I was scared that I’d lose my resolve and heartily enjoy more than the promises of his kisses. Whenever I felt he was losing interest, I’d pop right back into the picture. I’d call him and speak of how I yearned to see him, missing the kisses and moments we shared. I never hinted being available though. I was enjoying it.
All these while, Belle went out of her way telling anyone who’d listen how I intended ruining my reputation. Ryan wasn’t just anybody. Plus, I had my game in check. I couldn’t just find a way to explain to her that Yours Truly was doing just fine.
Belle isn’t a saint. She had her own fair share of flings. With the way she was going about my situationship with Ryan, one would think she was a jealous lesbian partner whom I ditched. She was dating a hot dude and even tried to play the matchmaker for me with one of his friends. The problem with fine people is that they have loads of ugly people hanging around them; like they were feeding off crumbs of attention which the hottie couldn’t contain.
Belle’s idea of a boyfriend for me was just a dragon – a tall dark dude shaped like Johnny Bravo; though he didn’t have Bravo’s looks. He was definitely no match for my Ryan. His hair was always untidy and looked dirty. I just laughed her suggestion off as she kept insisting that the dragon had a good heart. Once, Belle even tried ripping the special IV card I’d received from Ryan for their frat induction. Yeah! That’s how desperate Belle was. I simply gave her a look which said clearly that she’d end our friendship if she’d gone ahead. It was getting irksome. Why was she strongly against Ryan? He wasn’t a saint, yet he wasn’t as bad as she kept trying to paint him. Even my own mother wouldn’t have gone about it the way she was.
Things with Ryan were on and off. I had to go to Lome for a year, yet we kept it on. We worked because we weren’t expecting anything from one another. Fast forward to my final year, I’d decided to stop playing games with him. We fitted, physically and otherwise. We hooked up like before, shared kisses as I filled him up on how it had been all the while I was away. It felt like talking to an old friend. He was no longer a member of the frat. He didn’t tell me what had happened. He looked older and more matured. He still looked attractive to me. We saw often and then, I agreed to spend a night at his place. Not like it was pre-planned, I was kinda stranded that day.
I had had what I’d tag “a wasted day”. I had left in the morning to see my supervisor and she’d kept me waiting for over 5 hours. She claimed they were in a meeting, meanwhile I could hear their laughter. It was obvious she and the other lecturers were gossiping about the students. It’s their favorite pastime. When she came out, she feigned ignorance to the fact that she had asked me to wait for her. I handed her my file and sulked out of the faculty complex.
Not wanting to have wasted a whole day, I headed to the market to make my hair. My mistake was not checking the time. I was fuming and ignored the time factor. From experience, I should have known that by 8pm, it became a dead zone in my school. At the time I left the campus, it was already past 5pm. There was no way on earth I’d have finished making my hair before 8pm. But these were afterthoughts; when I’d already embarked on my journey of self-satisfaction. When I got to the market, it was already shutting down. That didn’t deter me. I found someone who was willing and started making my hair. It was that moment that the common sense which had eluded me earlier flooded back. I kept on asking myself what I was doing there. I knew it was a bad idea, a really bad one. I couldn’t beat time. I started making plans on how to sleep out that night.
That was when Ryan popped into my mind. He had invited me severally to his place, though I still made excuses. That night, I was left with no choice. I informed him over the phone that I’d be coming over. He had no problem with it. Then, I spent the rest of the time convincing myself that I could handle whatever happened. We’ve made out before, I’d felt his hardness against my thighs, we’ve smooched, we’ve dry humped, we’d literally done everything in the book except the main act. It couldn’t be that bad. I kept on reassuring myself. He had already sent a cab to pick me up. There was no going back.
As expected, I left the market around 9pm. It wasn’t funny. My scalp was hurting. I felt like I was being stalked. I had muted my phone’s sounds. I didn’t want to be harassed that night. There were mad people everywhere, making their bed for the night. Hooligans clustered in different groups; smoking dope and listening to loud music from their ‘china phones’. That night, I thanked God that I am dark-skinned. I walked through the dark market without any problems. My heart was pounding. Vermin ran out once in a while. At that moment, Ryan was my light at the end of the tunnel. I kept my mind on seeing him. I couldn’t use my phone so as not to attract attention to myself.
When I reached the main road, I noticed my phone’s screen was illuminated. Ryan had been calling me. He left a text message stating that the cab man was already in the market. He added a phone number too. I thankfully called the number and located the cab. Inside it, I felt safe. Strange how the tiny confines of a car could leave me feeling secure. I felt like I had just escaped an ordeal. I could breathe easier. The cab man kept on glancing at me. At a point, he had to ask if I was OK. I couldn’t help gushing over the details of my day and how I ended up at the market by that time of the day. He chuckled and began to tell me stories of how ghosts took over the marketplace at night. I had to block out his voice as he was obviously enjoying his storytelling about how the ghosts made the lingering humans run mad. I wondered how his story was to make me feel better. I found myself listening to him again; he was talking of how all the random mad people one saw had a connection with the marketplace. I remembered the ones I saw making their bed that night. That gave some credibility to his story. I shivered. What if I had gone mad? How would I have explained to my mother that it was the frustration of having a wasted day which drove me to the market that evening?
When we reached Ryan’s place, I was so glad. I stumbled into his waiting arms as he paid the cab man off. I held on to him as we walked into his room. He was still surprised that I stayed that late in the market. I lamented about how bad my day had been and before I could end, he stopped me from talking with a kiss. Another thing about Ryan: the dude is damn spontaneous. That kiss did it for me. I responded and we were all over each other. My heart was pounding again; but this time around, for a different reason. Ryan had set my whole body on fire. He was muttering how he had missed me and how often he wanted to hold me like he was doing. It was a wonderful way to cap a bad day. I arched into his body and totally gave in. He was doing indescribable things to me.
I felt his hardness against my leg. We were half naked. As I had been preparing my mind for anything, I was down for whatever. I asked that he used some sort of protection. He got up to get it. I lay back on the bed; turning off every part of my mind which was screaming that it was a bad idea. I couldn’t let the young man have blue balls if I intended spending the night at his place. My mind toyed with the fact that he could send me out into the cold if I tried playing smart that night. I admit I had pulled Ryan’s patience to its limit. Maybe it was time to pay up for me. And I wanted it too.
I turned my attention back to Ryan. He stood backing me. I admired his lean physique and light skin tone. He was good-looking even from the back. But something was amiss. It had been close to 5 minutes since Ryan left me on the bed. His left arm was working as he struggled to do something with his right. I watched him quietly for a while. I didn’t want to sound impatient so I used what sounded like my cutest bedroom voice (to me though); to ask him what was going on. He muttered something about getting something on. What else would he be getting on; if not condoms? I relaxed into the bed and closed my eyes. I would be extremely patient with him. I kept on repeating this to myself.
I must have dozed off; don’t blame me, I’d had a really long day. I woke up to him calling my name. I flushed in embarrassment. I didn’t even know I had been asleep. Ryan was standing over me with this puppy look on his face. We were supposed to be having a steamy session in bed. Why had I fallen asleep and why wasn’t he all over me, trying to make me forget my sorrows of a bad day? First, I suspected I had been tricked; that he had pictures of me, lying in his bed half-naked, pictures he could show off to his friends as I had been evasive. I know how guys discuss about girls and who had given it up easily and who had been a challenge. I had no doubt been a challenge to Ryan. But he had no device around him and he had no prior notice that I was coming around before then. So there was a teeny possibility that my dignity was still intact. He didn’t have the-cat-that-got-the-milk look. That would have been the look if he had succeeded in getting such photos. He was looking at me in a funny manner.
I must confess that it was awkward. I sat up on the bed. I knew something was wrong, though I couldn’t place a finger on it yet. I yawned to ease the tension I was beginning to feel. Then, I looked up. He was holding a rough condom in his hand. I could tell it was still unused. He mumbled again about something being wrong and needing my assistance. He wanted me to give him head!
Through his boxer shorts, I could see that he was no longer erect. He pulled it down to show his organ hanging limply. With incoherent words, he said how he just needed to get hard again so he could slip on the condom. I was speechless. Everything was so wrong! How could he become limp within 5 minutes that he couldn’t even slip on a condom? With a full-blooded, hot (if I may add) female lying down in his bed? It seemed like someone had broken my switch. I couldn’t be turned on anymore. I refused to do anything. I just turned my back on him and tried to resume my sleep. There was no way on earth he could rape me with a limp organ. So he satisfied himself with smooching me while he wanked. Yeah…he did that. He preferred self-service.
The next morning, I didn’t even wait for daybreak before I left his place. I didn’t want the awkwardness. But my curiosity was piqued. I needed to understand what had happened the night before. I confided in a male friend, leaving the name out. I was made to know that it was a problem which chronic masturbators had; they got so used to the stimulation of their own palms that keeping an erection was a feat. They had to either take drugs or have intense foreplay to be able to stay erect. That was the problem with my Ryan. I felt sorry for the poor cutie. I wanted to talk to him about it but I didn’t know how to. Was I to start by telling him that he had masturbated so much that his organ had gotten selfish and wanted just his palms? Or that he needed to see a doctor who could prescribe pills? The least I could do was to spend more time with him. He knew that I knew what was up with him. We had a mutual understanding. I had found someone to run to whenever I stayed out late. He had a cuddle partner.
But I couldn’t just resist the urge to tell Belle and rub it in her face that her conception about Ryan had been so wrong. How would he be a player with such a condition? She laughed so hard she had tears in her eyes. I didn’t mean it to be a joke. I had made a friend; found the real essence of Ryan and still liked him despite it all. Now you see why he’s one of my favorite experiences.