The thin line between lust and infidelity
Lust is a noun which is defined as having intense, unbridled or uncontrolled sexual attraction to something or someone.
Infidelity is a noun which is defined as unfaithfulness to a moral obligation.
Many present-day relationships are laid on the foundation of lust and built on the threshold of infidelity. Lust for money, Lust for looks, Lust for things that will definitely fade with time. We live in a society that pays little or no value to morals and highly extol materialism and promiscuity as a normal way of life.
Marriages of nowadays are most likely to fail than succeed according to recent study as individuals are all going into the holy matrimony for the wrong reasons.
Here is a true experience;
Tonia and Sam have been in the United States for over five years. While she is a Nigerian, and Sam is from South Africa. She helped him come over to the States cos she loved him and they already had a long distance relationship before deciding to get married.
They have a kid together and she’s pregnant with their second child. She loves and supports Sam as she earns more than he does being a nurse over there. Sam on the other hand is a very handsome guy, basically every girls dream man, and to make matters worse he knows just how handsome he looks.
After dating long distance for three years and being married for five they have shared eight years of their life together.
Towards the late-quarter of last year, Tonia discovered that he already had two kids from two different women, both in the states, both almost the same age with her first child. When she confronted him about it, he pleaded, begged and cried that both conceptions were products of a one-night stand he had when they were having issues.
They always used to fight due to Sam’s complacent attitude to be a better father to their son and to be a better husband for Sonia.
Sonia was torn between divorcing Sam and having to raise their kids separately or to forgive him and let them start over and begin the marriage anew, especially seeing how remorseful Sam was. She forgave him.
Recently while her pregnancy was about coming to full term, Sam told her he had to take a trip to Europe and wouldn’t be back for at least a month. She was distraught, she couldn’t bear to have the baby all by herself, she really needed him at her side when she had to deliver their baby but there was no word or plea that could change Sam’s mind. He left for Europe, while she was left to take care of their little boy and her heavily pregnant self.
She tried as much as she could to keep in touch with her supposed-husband Sam, and he always avoided talking to her while complaining about the difference in time zone as an excuse. She still stayed. She still believed.
One day she woke up to a frantic call from a mutual friend of her husband and hers who told her to check her husband’s Instagram handle, she did as instructed and lo and behold, her husband had posted a picture of him with another woman who was also heavily pregnant while he was carrying another baby of about a year old on his arms. They both looked like a couple. They all looked like a family. She was so distraught, she started calling all his friends trying to make sense of everything, looking for an explanation, anything anyone could tell her just to give reason to what was happening in her life at that point in time. No one could tell her anything and the one person who could was nowhere to be found.
She had to check into the hospital that morning as her friends who had seen the image too rallied to her side and insisted she went to the hospital so she doesn’t lose the baby out of stress or hypertension.
She cried all day. Two kids from two different women, and two more kids from another woman she was sure he had married in Europe cos she had seen a ring on the woman’s ring finger, add her own two kids and you will get six kids. Six kids from four different women, all from the loins of one man. All from the loins of the man that was supposed to be ‘only’ hers.
She was married to a man who had four kids outside their marriage and the worst part was he had all this kids while they were married not even before. She had her baby that week. Sam came home and she sought for divorce. Sam had an explanation but she was already fed up off all the lies. She was done – Anonymous.
Is Sam a serial cheat or does he have a psychological problem?
Lust, while in marriage or while in a relationship is a very dirty habit one that will only bring the perpetrator to ruin at the end of the day because you will be causing pain to lots of innocent people all for a selfish desire.
The thin line between lust and infidelity starts with holding an image of a sexual interest in your head and dwelling on the thought for such a long period of time while searching for opportunities to act on the thought.
Being disloyal to a partner is not fair to both partners as lust is just a temporary hunger or desire than can be controlled if one is truly and honestly ready to work on him or herself to be a better person for their partner.
No matter what the circumstances are, the moment you say ‘I Do’ to one person that is a promise one must honor against all odds.
There will always be that girl that looks better than you wife or that man that looks sexier than your husband but the reason why you chose each other is the only determinant on how loyal or faithful you’ll be.
A woman who married a man for material gain will easily cheat if the lust for wealth which attracted her to him in the first place is gone. A man who married a woman for a selfish reason, either just for her body, her money or whatever reason will also be most likely to cheat if the reason for the attraction is gone.
Couples or partners who want true relationships free from lust and infidelity should develop attraction that supersede the physical as the physical will fade away; and if the physical is all that attracted you to a person to begin with, what keeps you faithful when it’s gone?
There is no faithful relationship that can’t stand the test of time. But once there is room for list and infidelity, it’s just a matter of time for everything to go wrong.
If you have ever cheated sexually or been unfaithful in any way to your spouse or partner, you will know how much it hurts to look at the one you love and never be able to tell them about your infidelity because you know it will break them to bits. So what do you do? You begin to live a lie. A life of deceit and perpetual guilt keeps haunting you anytime you are with them.
There’s nothing applauding about being lustful or unfaithful, as a matter of fact, it’s a very dirty and selfish habit that one should endeavor to chop off like a cancer.
If your partner is not making you as happy as you want, communicate with them. Most couples don’t know how to communicate without screaming at each other. Nothing can be said if everyone wants to talk at the same time or if one party is not ready to step down and take turns talking about their grievances.
Communication, Respect and Understanding are qualities that make it easy for couples or partners to talk to each other in such a manner where the elephant in the room is put on the table and dissected bit by bit so both individuals can move away from their lustful or unfaithful desires for someone besides their partner and lust after one another instead.
You can’t have a good relationship if you both don’t have respect for each other and if you are not willing to put yourself in each others shoes i.e trade places emotionally.
Photo Credit, Entourage